Thursday, June 9, 2022

Der Kommissar: Which Version is Definitive?

 Der Kommissar: Which Version is Definitive?


My Connection to the Song

Back in 1983, I was attending 6th grade in a Catholic school, which I absolutely hated, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about. There was this song that girls used to sing that I hadn’t heard on the radio yet, but because of these loudmouth girls I was in class with, all I heard in my head for 3 months was “Don’t turn around, uh oh! Your pants are fallin’ down, uh oh!”. It drove me nuts. At the end of the school year, my mom came and got me and my sister, and we all moved to Louisiana, where I got to attend an actual normal public school again. Louisiana is where I got to experience MTV, Music Television for the first time. That’s where I got to see a proper presentation of After The Fire’s “Der Kommissar”, in which I finally got to hear the lyrics sung right” “Don’t turn around, uh oh! Der Kommissar’s in town, uh oh!”. Little did I know that within a month, I would find out that those weren’t actually the real lyrics…..

About a month after I heard After The Fire’s version of “Der Kommissar”, another video popped up on MTV, featuring a dude with his hair slicked back, singing a very familiar song with lyrics I couldn’t understand. My mom was in the room at the time, and she told me that this was the original song by the original guy, and that the lyrics were in German. The singer’s name was Falco. Once I heard Falco’s version of “Der Kommissar”, I could never enjoy After The Fire’s version quite the same way, again. 

Skip ahead to the late 20-teens, and I’m just casually perusing through Wikipedia, which I’d been doing since about 2009-ish, or so, and I find out that there was a THIRD version of “Der Kommissar”, also released back in 1983, only this one wasn’t called that…..it was called “Deep in the Dark”! Funny how I had never heard that version, or seen the video, back in those days. Curious, I went to YouTube, found the video, put it on, and yes indeed, it WAS, in fact, another version of Falco’s song, with new lyrics completely unrelated to either Falco’s or After The Fire’s version. 


History


“Der Kommissar” was originally written by a producer named Robert Ponger, and was intended for some dude named Reinhold Bilgeri, who I’m unfamiliar with. Reinhold, on the other hand, didn’t want to do the song, so Ponger submitted the song to Austrian singer Falco, who liked it, and decided to re-work the lyrics. As a result, Falco has been credited as co-author of the song. 

Falco’s version was released on December 11, 1981, in German-speaking countries, initially. Eventually the song was released in the US, but it did not chart, initially. Regardless, the video of it did get picked up by fledgling TV network MTV, and they began playing the video in heavy rotation, where it finally gained an audience, and after Falco finally broke the US charts with “Rock Me Amadeus” in 1986, “Der Kommissar” finally reached the US Billboard Charts, peaking at #22 on the US Mainstream Rock charts. 



In 1982, British New Wave group After The Fire recorded an English-language version of “Der Kommissar”. Unlike Falco’s, After The Fire’s version managed to chart on Billboard’s US Hot 100 chart, peaking at #5. 




Later in 1982, that same year, American singer Laura Branigan, best known for the single “Gloria (I think they got your number)”, recorded yet another version, only with new lyrics, and the song was retitled as “Deep in the Dark”. Laura’s version was featured on her second album Branigan 2, and released as the album’s second single. Laura’s version did not have nearly the level of success as either Falco’s or After The Fire’s version.


The Definitive Version


So, knowing that there are 3 versions of “Der Kommissar”, which is the definitive version? Which version should I play for my kids, and which version should I ask my favorite DJ to play, the next time I go to an ’80’s club?

Answer: Falco’s version. His version is the definitive version, and neither After The Fire’s version nor Laura Branigan’s version should ever be played without also playing Falco’s version. Doing otherwise would be a travesty……

Falco - Der Kommissar (Official Video) - YouTube


Lyrics (Falco)

Two, three, four, eins, zwei, drei
Es is nichts dabei
Wenn ich euch erzaehle die Geschichte
Nichts desto trotz, ich bin es schon gewohnt
Im tv-funk da laeuft es nicht, jah
Sie war so jung, das Herz so rein und weiss
Und jede Nacht hat ihren Preis
Sie sagt: "Sugar sweet, jah'got me rapp'in to the heat!"
Ich verstehe sie heiss
Sie sagt: Babe you know, I miss my Funky friends"
Sie meint, Jack und Jill
Mein funk Verstaendnis reicht zur Not
Ich ueberreiss' was sie jetzt will
Ich ueberlege bei mir, ihre Nase spricht dafuer
Waehrend dessen ich noch rauche
Die "special places" sind ihr wohlbekannt
Ich meine, sie faehrt ja U-bahn auch dort singen's:
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh
Er wird dich anschauen, und du weisst warum
Die Lebenslust bringt dich um
Alles klar Herr Kommissar?
(Hey man, wanna buy some stuff man?
Did you ever rap that thing Jack, so rap it to the beat)
Wir treffen Jill und Joe und dessen Bruder hip,
Und auch den Rest der koolen gang
Sie rappen hin, sie rappen her
Dazwischen kratzen's ab die Waend'
Dieser Fall ist klar lieber Herr Kommissar
Auch wenn sie anderer Meinung sind
Den Schnee auf dem wir alle talwaerts fahren
Kennt heute jedes Kind
Jetzt das Kinderlied
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh
Er hat die Kraft und wir sind klein und dumm
Und dieser Frust macht uns stumm
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh
Wenn er dich anspricht und du weisst warum
Sag' ihm dein Leben bringt dich um
Alles klar Herr Kommissar?
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh
Er hat die Kraft und wir sind klein und dumm
Und dieser Frust macht uns stumm
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh
Wenn er dich anspricht und du weisst warum
Sag' ihm dein Leben bringt dich um
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh
Dreh dich nicht um - oh, oh, oh
Der Kommissar geht um - oh, oh, oh

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